3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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