omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
