Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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