I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
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