I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
