I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
