I could make wine with my vomit
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
