I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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