my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
