i need an iv and a liver transplant
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
