from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
