in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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