I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
