dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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