I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
