White coat. Heels.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
