Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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