He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
where are my eyebrows?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
