I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
