How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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