Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
