Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
