what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
