Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
