dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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