2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
