Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
