Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
