Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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