i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You know, be my cock's hype man.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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