$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
