so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
