Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
