WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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