The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
