You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
