Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
