He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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