My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it's not cheating when I paid for it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
