omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
