dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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