Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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