Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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