What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
