im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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