Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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