He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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