I wanna bring you to show and tell
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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