My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
