next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
